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How to work the arrival of new brothers?

How to work the arrival of new brothers?

The family constitutes the main and most important nucleus of socialization in childhood, making parents the fundamental reference figures for children, both emotionally and imitating their behavior.

The way parents (and other primary caregivers) they interact and interact with their children is crucial for their further development Cognitive and emotional management.

In this way, a link is generated between parenting styles and attachment styles established by their children: parents more authoritarian (higher level of control and lower level of affection) or more negligent (lower level of control and lower level of affection) in care often lead to more attachment styles avoidant or more anxious in their children while parents authoritative (higher level of control and higher level of affection) are those that are most related to an attachment style insurance in your children

When children are young, they establish their schemes on how the world works and how their family does it, who are the members that are always present and what are their roles with respect to themselves.

Therefore, it is expected that any notable change will result in an alteration of the maps that the minor has about “his” world, and a requirement of progressive adaptation to the new situation.

My child will have a brother, how do we handle the situation?

Of course, the arrival of a new member to the family can be a challenge for many parents: “How do we explain it to our child? Will you be jealous of your new brother? ”

It is likely that, initially, our child's reaction is not the most favorable: "I don't want a brother", "I'm very well alone", "I don't want to share my things", which logically, we it can cause some frustration as parents.

In this context, we must take into account that, most likely, our son does not understand well what this new stage will consist of (We still haven't informed you about it!) And this situation can make you feel very insecure: “My parents are not going to love me anymore”, “They are just going to want to do things with my brother”, etc.

Jealousy and insecurity are two elements that go hand in hand at any evolutionary stage, especially when we lack confidence in ourselves and in our environment.

For that reason, we clarify two resources which can be extremely useful when we propose the arrival of a new member to the family.

The police inspector at the train station

Your child will ask many questions about you as parents, about you as a parent-child team and about your future brother. Try to respond as honestly as possible and be honest even to answer a: "I don't know, but we'll find out."

You need to know and understand what is happening around you to continue adapting his schemes and adapting himself to the new situation.

Therefore, it is important that, of need to introduce new routines in the family (Regarding sleep, bath or meal schedules ...), take advantage of the months of pregnancy to establish small changes that you can adapt all as a real team.

Keep in mind that this determination is not only constructive for your child, but also facilitates progressive adaptation to you as adults.

Think that the trains always leave at the same time and, when any change is going to happen, it is notified well in advance.

Campaign advisor

Often, the parents make decisions regarding the next child without considering the opinion of the older children (without any kind of bad intention), so that these may feel slightly isolated from the process concerning the arrival of a brother and, therefore, increase your sense of insecurity.

Taking into account the importance of having a feeling of “belonging” to your fundamental reference group for a minor, we have a very simple way to make our child feel more comfortable with the change: involve him directly in the arrival of his brother.

For example, we can ask about what color you think is most suitable for the walls of the room, what toys you think you might like more, what cart you find most beautiful, etc.

Using these resources, we get the child to be part of a complex process such as the arrival of a brother and not feel "threatened" By himself.

Note: Since the final decision on any aspect related to the future baby falls unquestionably on the parents, the presentation of the above issues can be given to the older brother when the final choice is basically a dichotomy.

For example:Which cart do you prefer?”(Showing one green and one blue, considering that parents have already ruled out the other options before).

In this way, the child undoubtedly participates in the decision-making process, but we prevent the process from reaching a role reversal for trying to overcompensate with the child.

Think that, the campaign advisor, has some resources that are delimited from "above", and yet he tries to adapt to the alternatives he has for the team.